Snap to Reality

Sometimes I get stuck in a negative emotional cycle, when something happens and fear, disappointment or hate takes over and I can’t break out of it. When it seems impossible to switch back to the positive again I don’t wish for bad things to happen but I get these moments where I zone out and have visions of things happening. Like having car accidents, being bitten by snakes or bike accidents and I usually see myself laying alone in a hospital bed.  It’s like an escape route, a way out of these cycles. If I get physically hurt really bad it’ll take me out of these negative feelings. Lately I’ve been cycling between a lot of positive and negative emotions, dealing with relationship issues  which you may have picked up on from the last post. Which has been bringing on the visions again.
This morning on the way to work the visions nearly became a reality, driving the back way to work, doing about 100Kms an hour, it had been raining all night, it was windy. I hit water which had covered the road after all the nights rain, the sun hadn’t come up yet, it was dark, barely having time to put my foot on the brake when water sprayed over the car blurring the view, apart from the blurred view of the headlights of the car coming the other way. Grabbing the steering wheel and hanging on for grim death as the car tried to pull to one side as it ploughed through the water. Disoriented, not knowing where the road was until the car pulled out of the water and the wipers had cleared the water covering the windscreen. Fortunately the car was still on road, in the lane it was meant to be and I could speed up and keep driving. Apart from the heart racing a little quicker I wasn’t overly fussed and kept going.
A few kilometres down the road the same thing happened again, only this time it was a large truck coming the other way which came rumbling past a little to close for comfort. Losing vision again, this time losing traction as well, I was no longer in control. That was when I kind of freaked a little. The windscreen cleared and the car was headed into the dirt, with only two wheels still on the road i managed to get the car back on the road and power on, this tie with a little more  care than before.
As I drove on my thoughts turned to the ones I love, the kids I had just spent the weekend with and the girl I just kissed good bye only a moment before, I know it sounds like a cliché, the only one who has always woken up at 5:00am to give me a hug and  kiss me good bye before I leave for work. It was a snap back to reality, a wake up call to let go of all the negative emotions, a realisation that they focusing on the negative won’t fix anything. Moments like these don’t fix the things that have happened, but they do make you see things differently

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